A deep passion of 2 Pillars Church is to see men become biblically masculine men.  A biblically masculine man loves Jesus, loves the Bible, loves his wife, leads his family, works his job, and serves/leads the church.  I recently came across a blog post by the lead pastor of one of our Strategic Partner churches, Bob Thune (Coram Deo) that I think speaks well to this topic of men and church.

In what Bob himself calls a “dangerous post,” he lays out the following three aspects of the church that mitigate against a healthy spirit of biblical masculinity:

1. Greeters. For some reason, lots of seeker-driven, attractional churches utilize official greeters to welcome people as they walk in the door. Which screams to every man: this is not a dude’s place. The places where men gather – bars, backyards, hunting grounds, sporting events – don’t have greeters. Dudes – at their extroverted best – give each other a head nod and say, “What’s up bro.” But a long extended handshake and a “so nice to see you this morning” screams “awkward” to most men. (If you are a man and you disagree with this, it’s probably because you’ve been walking into churches with greeters for so long that you’ve forgotten how strange it is.)
2. Visitor-Focused Communication. Question: what makes people feel welcome? Many churches seem to think the answer is: going out of the way to communicate with “guests.” But this is easily overdone. The worship leader begins the service by welcoming guests. The pastor begins his sermon by welcoming guests. The paper products handed out at the door are targeted toward guests. The whole scenario is warm, nurturing, inviting, welcoming… and overdone. Dudes like control: they will decide if they want to fit in, and no one will force it upon them. And dudes like a challenge: men pursue women who are “hard-to-get” because, well, they’re hard to get. Churches that are overly welcoming say to men: “clingy relationship ahead.” Most dudes have already had one of those – and they aren’t looking for another.
3. “Nice” Sermons. In David Murrow’s excellent book Why Men Hate Going to Church, he contrasts masculine values with feminine values. Men appreciate risk, adventure, competition, independence, and success. Women tend to value harmony, intimacy, stability, and relationship. In light of these differing values, most sermons don’t connect with men, because most sermons don’t talk about sin, judgment, repentance, and leadership. Men want to get punched in the mouth. Men want to rise to a challenge and show themselves competent. Men want their pastors to talk to them like their coaches talked to them – tough, honest, and direct. In this morning’s case, the pastor highlighted the theme of God’s presence in hardship in Joseph’s life. There was a lot of empathy and softness toward people going through tough times. But there was very little masculine exhortation. And like a chick flick, God’s faithfulness to Joseph turned out to have a happy ending. I couldn’t help but think of John the Baptist, who like Joseph was thrown in jail unjustly. God’s faithfulness to him meant his head got cut off. But you rarely hear that one preached.

(Read the original post in its entirety: Reflections on Attending Another Church)